The twins

I should have known from the beginning something was very different.  I can blame that on pregnancy brain.  But it shouldnt have been as a surprise when the tech told us we were expecting two instead of one.  It made complete sense the way I felt with my body.  I feel silly for not having figured this out sooner!  When you are nearing the end of a pregnancy you just feel it in your body.  Not only are you ready to start this life with your new borns but you feel it in your body too.  I felt that way about half way through carrying the twins.  It was hard on me.  I felt so tired, it was a lot of work for me to take a shower!  Now that I have had the girls I wish I could have kept them cooking a little longer.  But my body was giving out on me and said I had to have them when I did.

I say that I wished that they had cooked longer, just because of the scares I had with them with there reflux breathing issues in the beginning.  I was scared of losing them it was something I was not prepared for.  But the girls are fighters and over came there breathing issues!

I am now days away from the girls turning 10 months old!  They are such a joy to watch grow.  People still ask if they are identical or fraternal, to me and there daddy its so clear that they are not identical.  But I suppose if you were around them more then a day you would begin to notice that too.

Having twins, well I still feel the same as I did when they first came home. I just have to do everything twice, which means It takes me twice as long to do anything with them then it would with just one.  I love finding them off playing or even looking for me to be in the same room as me.  I am not sure if I am ready for them to start there walking.  But im also looking forward to seeing what it brings!

Im to scared to go out alone with all of the kids.  The most I do is walk to pick Ryu up from his school. I have Hailey pushing Clara in a stroller and me pushing the twins in there stroller.  I know for awhile it will be even harder with them even more curious when they start walking.  It maybe in between the ages of 2-3 that I know that they will listen and not run off at the first sight of something interesting.  I cant even do a doctors visit by myself.  You know those rooms are to small to fit all 5 kids in a room.  Plus I could not carry the twins I'd have to have them and Clara in a stroller, which means even less room in the patient room at Doctors office.  So im so grateful that I have a husband that is there for me in the things I cant do alone!

Clara

Clara, I love her little personality. She is much more of a handful then my bigger two were at her age.  But I love that about her.  I love seeing her phases.  When she started to be more loving.  Giving hugs and kisses saying "aww".  She started noticing her baby sisters, giving them hugs or even pulling "no no's " out of there mouths and putting bottles or sippy's in there mouth!  She cracks me up when you pull her arm up to tickle and then when you stop she puts her arm back up so you can tickle her again!

Since switching her from crib to toddler bed, I have never been good at doing her afternoon naps.  She would never stop her pace to lay down to take one.  So she takes her naps with mommy.  Sometimes she is just tired to where she takes me by the hand to the bed and we lay together until she falls asleep.  Other days all I have to do is hum to her the ABC's and she falls straight to sleep.  I adore nap times with her.

Every once in awhile she gets sat in a high chair and every time after she finishes I am happy to have her at the table.  She can gets so messy!  Food all over her face hands chest and hair!!!  Although she makes a mess on the table and the floor its no where near what the mess she gives in a high chair.

I feel so blessed that she looks so much like her daddy.  I cant get over how beautiful she is because of her mirror image of her daddy.  She doesnt know it yet.  But she holds the key to her daddy's heart.  He adores her.  He does so much to help me raise her.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that he is real.  That this is what a daddy is suppose to be.  I didnt get to have the help I do with her with my big two kids and I didnt get that from my own Dad or Step Dad's.  (not that they were bad dad's)

Hailey

My Sassy pants.  I cant believe how much she has grown.  My first girl.  She has a hard time with things when she was little.  She had a lot of people in and out of her life and I was the only consistent person there for her.  Which caused her a harder time and she just didnt want to get close to anyone.  She would hold her elbow over her face to keep you from talking to her.  While E and I had started to date, she constantly talked to him over the phone and when he visited and stayed she had no problem opening up with her.  They became partners in crime.  I feel because of him she started to open up and let ppl in and talk with others.

She is IMO more mature in ways then others her age.  Seems like either kids are older then her or much younger then her, that we are around.  She ends up playing or talking around us adults (wow weird to refer to us as adults!!)  She is a mother hen to her younger sisters.  Always talking or singing to them when they are crying.  Picking them up or taking things they shouldnt have.  Sharing or making sure they have snacks when she does.

She could live off of fruit.  She is the slowest eater in our house. She could take hours to eat.

I am not looking forward to her starting Kindergarten this fall.  I was ok with Ryu going but Hailey I will miss terribly.  It will be just me, Clara and the twins at home this fall.  I know it will be fun for us girls but I know I will be counting down the time until they are both home from school!!

Ryu

I have such a love for my children.  I love each of them dearly.  I am thankful each day for my little loves.  I may not know what I'd go to college for and I have always wondered if and when I get a degree what it would be for, but I've always known I have wanted to be a mother.

Ryu, my first born.  I am amazed at the person is becoming.  When he was little he loved to be naked and didnt need a friend to play with and he even didnt need to see me in the same room at all times (like my others have)

When his dad and I separated he became a handful. When i'd tell him not to do something, he would get angry ball up his fist and yell at me.  I was at such a loss.  I didnt know what to do or how to help him over come all of his frustration.  A lot of people saw this struggle and no one was able to get through to him.  The person I give credit to helping him was my mom.  Grandma has always been loving and really never getting on to the kids and for grandma to lay the law down surprised Ryu and she told him how much I loved him and how much it hurt for him to treat me that way.  After that day he became better.  It was when Ethan came into there lives providing structure and guidance in away I have never been able to do for them.

Ryu has helped me over come my fears of letting him go.  Ok well letting him go to school and not be so paranoid.  It was hard dropping him off at school not seeing him being secure in a class room.  I've seen all the kids and how easily you could get lost and it overwhelmed me.  He assures me that he is ok and not to worry so much about that.

I see such a smart side of him.  He surprised me at how fast he is able to catch on to the new things he is learning.  I however have seen him get so frustrated.  I am blessed to have Ethan.  When I dont seem to be able to help Ryu understand something and I give up Ethan comes in and talks to him and helps him understand what I cant.

I absolutely love to read.  It has always been a passion for me since I was Ryu's age.  I can only hope that all of my children learn to love to read too.  I know and have seen the struggles of others that do not read very well or understand the things  they read.  I can only hope that Ryu keeps up his love for reading.  It surprises me how excited he gets over the new books he gets.

My Ryu can be emotional sometimes.  I think he is still trying to under how to show what he is feeling.  But because of this he has a want to please you.  In a lot of ways I see good from this but I know it will also be something that causes him to struggle when he gets older.  He tries to say what you want to hear and doesnt always say what he feels because he doesnt want you to get hurt.

Ryu has gone from being such a picky eater to being one of our best eaters in the house!  Some days I see him being a typical boy and eating a lot more then what I expect.

There was a time when we struggled with listening to the rules but he has become such a respectful boy. In this I wish I had more words to describe how well he is behaved.  The other day I told him if he wanted to eat his breakfast bar in the living room he could.  He told me he couldnt.  He didnt want to get dad upset with him.  I had already forgotten how E had told the kids no more snacking in the living room.  (totally gross mess under the couch lots of crumbs).  Or how we have a new rule of bring us the movie they are done watching to get a new one.  We have had a problem with leaving disks laying around and even Clara getting a hold of them like a toy.  He has been very good at bringing them back to us.

I can see a wonderful young man that he is going to be and it scares me to death.  Why...?  Bc one day I am going to lose having him home.  One day he is going to grow up and have a family of his own and the idea of me not getting to see him all of the time breaks my heart!  But I know within this,  there is nothing I can do to stop time and with him growing I will get to experience pure joy from him and me showing and feel so proud of him and the man is going to be.

Ok so I totally intended to write an entire blog on all 5 of my children and I some how was able to write an entire blog of just one of my joys.so until the next one!

blog thoughts turn sour

So here it is.  I havent really blogged in forever and when I do its small or has become a blue moon kind of thing.  I have thought of lots of things to write.  But nothing that was happy fun.  When I think of things to share I have a sour thought put to it.

What I mean is...well weeks maybe a few months back ppl started to plan my High School 10th reunion.  Well I felt bummed.  I knew E and I wouldnt get to go.  I want to be there and be apart of it and then a thought hit me.  Why?  I didnt like High School like a lot of ppl did.  I feel sorry for myself because part of me realizes that the reason a lot of ppl cherished there days in High School is because they made it that way.  They made sure to make the memories and do things to experience.  I did not.  I hated it. I couldnt get out of High School fast enough.  I was just there to do my school work and be done with it.  Lets face it I enjoyed my elementary days much better.  I had many friends that I talked to in the halls or in the classroom but none of them were enough to do something outside of school.  Kind of like how FB is I can have hundreds of friends but there just my FB talk to friends.  So I thought why would I want to go..I am sure no one will even remember who I am.  I never did anything that was big enough to impact someone for them to remember me.  I know for some its to show off how big there diamond is or how fancy there car is and how much they still look stunning.  If I went it would be just to show off how I married the best man anyone could ever dream of having.  Plus if any and maybe a lot would remember who he was one of the biggest crushes everyone in the elementary to JR high days had.  Just the thought of him talking to you would make you weak at the knees.  Yup I got him and even better he actually loves me and treats me like a dream.  SIGH yeah I am married to him, Ethan Thomas Huchton.  (I was just telling him how I am spoiled that after 4 years of being in a relationship I still get told im beautiful just about everyday).

So see I thought I better stick to not posting for awhile because I had a feeling no one really wanted to know my bitterness of certain things in life.  Dont worry these thoughts didnt cause my day to be sour too.  All I have to do is think of this wonderful man I married and all of our beautiful amazing kids and what joy they bring us and those negative thoughts slip away!